I heard the front door open as I stepped out of the shower. I quickly put on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, knowing he would most likely walk in. And I wasn't in the mood for him to be all sweet, or romantic, or even funny.
I walked right past him in the hallway, on my way into the bedroom. I didn't want to be rude. But I just wasn't happy at all about the season almost being over. It made me upset and sad at the same time. I stood in front of the full length mirror in our bedroom, and played with my stomach. I wasn't skinny, I was built. I had large broad shoulders and a curvy stomach. Nothing about my body was special and I never really cared for it. I was built like an athlete. Like my dad.
"What are you doing?" Jimmy asked.
"I'm so fat!" I was taking all of my frustrations out on myself and the people around me.
"Whoa, you are so not fat. You actually have a really nice body."
I continued to play with it anyway. Jimmy came over and stood behind me. He placed my hands back on my said and kissed me neck, "Stop."
I stared back at my reflection in the mirror, and didn't like what I saw. I had large bags under my eyes and my skin was extremely pale.
"This isn't like you." He told me.
And I knew it wasn't. I turned around to face him, and looked straight up at him. He frowned, as did I.
I placed my hand on my forehead, "I'm sorry." Was the only thing I managed to say. He pulled me closer, placing his arms on the small of my back. I looked down at me and kissed my forehead, then my lips.
"I'm hungry" I told Jimmy, in an effort to change the subject. "Let's go get something then." I put on my sweatshirt and followed him out the door.
I sighed and rested my head against the car window, knowing he would get me to talk about what was going on. We pulled up to Chelis-our usual spot we went to eat.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Forever and Ever;;51
After a while I didn't feel like crying in front of everyone anymore. I used to be pretty good at holding everything in, but not lately. I walked a little faster than I usually did, past tons of fans and photographers, out the side door. Once I heard the door close behind me, I took a deep breath and wiped away my remaining tears, "Pull it together," I kept telling myself. I was debating on weather to go back in, or just go home. Once I thought about it I figured that I needed some time by myself.
I got back to the apartment and flipped on the TV. Only to see highlights of the game. I flipped it back of and just sat there. Thoughts were running through my head a mile a minute. Jimmy walked in that exact moment. I ran to the door and wrapped my arms around him. He dropped his bag and rubbed my back. "It's alright.." He kept telling me over and over again. A tear feel down my cheek, but I brushed it away.
"I might smell." He told me. "I didn't shower." "I don't care," I told him, my face still burred in his neck. After a while, he kissed my cheek and went in to shower.
I didn't dare turn the TV back on. So I went into the bedroom, changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I was exhausted. All of this crying and worrying was draining me. I expected that once my head hit the pillow- I would be out. But all I did was toss and turn for about ten minutes. Jimmy came in and layed down next to me. He placed his hand on the small of my back, trying to make me feel better. "Were going to win the next one. Promise." How did he always know the right things to say to me? I turned over and smiled, that was all I needed to hear. I pressed my lips against his, knowing things would soon get better.
***
Jimmy got up early for practice the next morning, and I started to get ready since we were leaving that night. I took a suitcase out of our walk in closet, knowing it would be the last time I would be packing to go to Pittsburgh for a while. I laughed when I came across Sidney's jersey in the suitcase. I held it up against my torso, it was the perfect size. I folded it up and threw it in the back of my closet. Putting it out of my mind for now. I continued packing for what was ahead, which was going to be a long hard game.
I got back to the apartment and flipped on the TV. Only to see highlights of the game. I flipped it back of and just sat there. Thoughts were running through my head a mile a minute. Jimmy walked in that exact moment. I ran to the door and wrapped my arms around him. He dropped his bag and rubbed my back. "It's alright.." He kept telling me over and over again. A tear feel down my cheek, but I brushed it away.
"I might smell." He told me. "I didn't shower." "I don't care," I told him, my face still burred in his neck. After a while, he kissed my cheek and went in to shower.
I didn't dare turn the TV back on. So I went into the bedroom, changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I was exhausted. All of this crying and worrying was draining me. I expected that once my head hit the pillow- I would be out. But all I did was toss and turn for about ten minutes. Jimmy came in and layed down next to me. He placed his hand on the small of my back, trying to make me feel better. "Were going to win the next one. Promise." How did he always know the right things to say to me? I turned over and smiled, that was all I needed to hear. I pressed my lips against his, knowing things would soon get better.
***
Jimmy got up early for practice the next morning, and I started to get ready since we were leaving that night. I took a suitcase out of our walk in closet, knowing it would be the last time I would be packing to go to Pittsburgh for a while. I laughed when I came across Sidney's jersey in the suitcase. I held it up against my torso, it was the perfect size. I folded it up and threw it in the back of my closet. Putting it out of my mind for now. I continued packing for what was ahead, which was going to be a long hard game.
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